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About Photography / Hobbyist todd holterMale/United States Recent Activity
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todd holter
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
United States
So..I'm not looking for anything special..
Just the fact that I've made it this long is a gift unto it's own.

Chronic depression and all that goes along with it..the self doubt, the isolationism ..the suicidal thoughts..
It can't be taken to seriously. How to ignore suicidal thoughts? You shelve them in the farther reaches of your
thoughts. Look to what is right in the world. In my case -  things are running thin.

So - on Wednesday I'm seeing my Doc Lisa who has stuck by me for the last ~12 years to set me up with
counseling. I've been though counseling before, and it's a band-aid for what lies deeper within. You  may be able
to see things from a different perspective.

Go into this with an open mind. I'm trying..but the answer has to come from within. A truth that makes sense of your
psyche. No can tell you what is.

It's all up to you.

Suicide  has never been an option, but I'm closer to than than I'd care to be.

So please pray for me..There is a realm unseen with us where Heavenly Creatures dwell..and I can use their help.
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: CSNY
  • Reading: nothing
  • Watching: a lot of YouTube
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: soon
  • Drinking: water

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altergromit Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
How are you? ;) :hug:!!
mrmd53 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi! I'm just turning in for the day..I've spent the last month or so alone here in my apartment. It's okay, I had to fin some peace and a new starting point - where to go from here.
I will go own to my favorite Hospital and try to fin a part-time job working with people somehow. I spent a day an a half there over my Birthday in Oct. again.
My heart's okay, thankfully. But it just reminded me how much I needed to be there!
I hope alls well with you too! ;-)  :hug:
altergromit Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, life is not easy my friend, I live alone too and sometime I feel a bit :crazy: because of that... ....Too many worries, too many thoughts, too much space around me even if my apartment is not big!... ...For the most it is loneliness... ...But anyway, I'll say I'm ok and after all I have Giovanni and Ambra, my pigeon and my blackbird... :heart:
...But I really hope you are fine, strong, happy sometimes.... ;) :hug:!!
Hampelgnouf Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015
Happy Bday Todd,
wish you Health,
many years here on earth,
Please Think positive, i know, sometimes
Life shit ( Sorry, but my thoughts )
it is not easy, but what is the alternative?
mrmd53 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You!
You're right  - there is no alternative.
I heard something the other day.."suicide is a permanent to a temporary problem".
Depression comes and it goes. Take tonight for example..I self medicate - which isn't good..but a little peace while I listen to 'Pink Floyd's Animals'. ;-)

It can be a white knuckle affair..'how long can you hang on?'
You visited me on my Birthday..that's special to me. Thank You!
Take care too .. okay?
Hampelgnouf Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015
Hi!  Handshake  OK
WatcherCCG Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015
Dunno when you'll see this, but happy birthday, old friend. Here's to hoping for another year.
mrmd53 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Man, I feel fortunate to make it another year! Many Thanks..:nod:
EveLivesey Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015  Professional Photographer
Happy Birthday Todd - sent with love Happy Birthday Todd by EveLivesey
mrmd53 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You Eve! I've a bag of chocolate and a day to relax..;-)
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